The Locker Room

Narrator: Brett has one more week with his best friends: DANNY, the lodge geek and wanna be stand-up, and LUCAS, the lodge snow blower, and wanna-be ski champ, before the season is over at Snow Bird Mountain.

Brett: ... Wait a minute. Wasn't I supposed to be meeting them in the locker room? Oh, I guess I meant it metaphorically. Anyway, yeah, after some skiing, and then the locker room, we went back to where we were staying.

It was time to decide which dating force to align with and equip myself accordingly.

Brett: Guys, what would you think if I asked B out?

Lucas: Out, like on a date? Dude, you're so sprung, it's pathetic! You couldn't ask a bellybutton out.

Brett: L thought I was sprung? Me?! What do I even say to that?

Brett: 'Outie' bellybuttons always made me feel kinda strange on the inside.

Brett: Well, it's true.

Lucas: Hey, an 'outie' is a perfectly viable bellybutton option in this day and age.

Danny: Yes, dude, we all know you have an 'outie'. Brett, I think becky would be lucky to go out with you.

Brett: Well, L was completely off-topic, but maybe D had a point...

...I guess I knew all along.

Brett: B is smart, beautiful, funny ... she could have any guy she wants!

Danny: Becky doesn't think like that, that's why she's special. I've got just the thing that'll make her swoon.

Brett: What could D have meant by that?

Narrtor: Brett used Amorous Action!

Brett: Uh... okay... suddenly a strange urge came over me. I kissed D in the way that B wouldn't kiss me.

Danny: Dude! What are you doing?! Get off me!

Brett: Sorry.

Brett: That didn't go so well. Now what do I say?

Danny: I can't, dude! I might need it for my girlfriend...you know, the one who lives in North Dakota...

Brett: That didn't make sense. Oh, I guess he was talking about the thing to make B swoon. But then why'd he even offer it. Gasp! Holy poo poo, what if B is his girlfriend in North Dakota!

Wait no. I'm not thinking right. Crap, now I have to say something else.

Brett: What if B thinks of me as 'just a friend?'

Danny: What's so bad about that? 'Jusr friends' is highly underrated for guys.

Lucas: "Just friends'? Dude, 'Just friends' blows ass! Your ass! My ass! Everyone's ass!

Brett: Not sure who I agree with.

Brett: I have this weird feeling that if I'd said "L is right", that he'd have countered with something stupid like:

Lucas: If you spill that you've got morning wood for her and she doesn't have the same for you, you're gonna look like an idiot.

Brett: So therefore I went with...

Brett: I'd be happy being friends with the funniest, smartest, most beautiful woman I know.

Danny: Hey, did I tell you guys the joke about--

Lucas: You don't actually believe what you're saying... do you, Brett?

Brett: No, it just sounded good to say.

Lucas: I knew it! You're a liar!

If you spill that you've got morning wood for her and she doesn't have the same for you, you're gonna look like an idiot.

Brett: Eh? What am I, psychic? It seemed like our conversation was starting to go in circles, so I decided to take some initiative in what I could say.

Danny: But you'll never know if you don't ask her in the first place!

Brett: Good point.

Danny: And if there is a problem, then you'll know why. Brett, I say go for her. It's just like in all of those movies, the rich, good-looking guys with the cool cars never get the girl!

Lucas: We're too young to be tied down to just one chick! We've got one week left at the lodge.

That's a 7-day babe-fest! And i've procured the perfect scented aphrodisiac that will drive the ladies loco.

Brett: Well give it to me!

Lucas: Only if you promise to use its powers for evil!

Danny: Quality, not quantity!

Brett: This was the biggest choice. What if it could affect my entire trip?! But what if it didn't? I mean what if this entire conversation is completely worthless and only serves to get me items for my collection and I'm leaving the majority of the choices up to the Internet because it just gets you different and possibly funnier responses, but ultimately this decision was of no consequence whatsoever?

No, certainly not. That couldn't be the case. 

Brett: First you guys tell me to be true to myself and go with B, and now I should follow L's advice? Well, maybe this aphrodisiac thing could actually help, so.

Brett: I'm with Lucas on this one.

Lucas: Yeah, dawg, don't be a wuss like Danielle here.

Danny: Lucas, tell me, what's wrong with admitting that you're in love?

Lucas:  Dude, shouldn't you be writing some comic monologue about the last time you got dumped?

Brett: I wasn't sure what to say here, so I went with my gut.

Brett: Guys, knock it off!

Danny: You...You...big Meanie!

Lucas: I don't even know how to begin thinking anbout responding to that.

Brett: I figured D would be more of a pushover and side with me regardless, so...

Brett: Enough! I'm going to play the field.

Danny: Fine! Just don't come crying to me, thinking that you missed out of 'The One'!

Now if you ecuse me, I have to go write a monologue about the last time I got dumped. Call me when you grow up, butterbreath.

Brett: And with that, I got my first number! D's!

Lucas: Sweet. Good choice, brett. You can't ski the bunny hill when you're ready for K2. Here, take this colonge, it's primo.

Narrator: Brett has recieved Devil Zephyr Cologne.

Lucas: But take it easy with that stuff ... I'm warning you. It's for multiple ladies only.

However, this might net you a solo portion of woman if you're just looking for a single-decker sandwich snack.

Brett: What? Who says that? Well, L. That's just the kind of guy he is. And then, just because my life makes too much sense as is...

Narrator: Brett has recieved the Bronze Medal.

Brett: L gave me the bronze medal he got from beating the third best Tekken player in the world!

Lucas: Chicks like shiny things. IM OUT> Give me a call if you ned anything, Brett.

Brett: And then I got my next number, L's! And I thought D had left, but-

Danny: Take this, too!

Narrator: brett has recieved the Rose.

Danny: Give me a ringy-dingy if you need help with your thingy!

Brett: This would be sure to help my dating cause! Now I had to get to work, because I'm already late! I thought it would be a really good idea to get a job for my week away. I don't even know why they only employed me for a single week. I guess it would be a really busy week!

I couldn't believe how it felt like D and L were pulling me into different directions.

Brett: Suddenly, D came back.

Danny: Hey, Brett! Nice job on that level ... pretty much a breeze so far, huh? Enjoy it while you can! But take this, always be prepared!

Narrator: Brett recievedthe pocket knife.

Danny: Hey! I almost forgot to give you this! Safety first!

Narrator: Brett recieved the Pepper Spray.

Danny: Just in case you're walking around late at night in one of the bad parts of Snow Bird Mountain! ... real quick! Did you hear the one about the guy with five legs?

Brett: I hadn't.

Danny: His pants fit like a glove! No? Not so much? Ah, whatever, go ahead and take it, it might come in handy.

Narrator: Brett recieved a Joke book which contains "The one about the guy with the 5 legs..."

Brett: Ha. That was D. Always just dumping items on you.

Lucas: Hi it and quit it, dude!

Danny: Dont give up on the modern romance...

Brett: Two ways to go ... which will I choose?

(Didn't I choose already?)

And so ended my second chapter of the ski vacation of my life.